How Addiction Will Destroy Your Love and Annihilate Your Hope

Is He Dying for a Cigarette

The story I’m about to share involves someone very close to me.

It’s another busy Sunday morning on a hot, steamy day. Packing papers cover the kitchen island. She’s packing up those last-minute annoying items that everyone usually throws in a garbage bag. She’s anxious because they’re closing on their new place in three days. Her partner is out getting more boxes.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. He lunges for the kitchen island, gasping, “I’m not getting any better. I think I need to go to the clinic.”

She knew exactly what he meant. This was not the first event. “No,” she exploded. “Don’t go to the clinic. Go to the ER now before we need an ambulance again.” He panted out the door and drove himself to the ER.

Hours pass with no word. Suppertime approaches, and she hasn’t heard a thing. She paces the kitchen floor, her legs heavy, her stomach churning. Fear and anxiety set in, then numbness.

Finally, around 6:30, the phone rings. Heart pounding, she grabs the phone. “The doctors are keeping me overnight to get me back to baseline,” he says hurriedly. She feels a slight sense of relief.

Exhausted, she falls into bed. The following day, bright sunlight wakes her. Blinking, she grabs the clock—10:30 AM! She races to her phone and dials his number. No answer!

Panic sets in. She cries aloud, “I can’t do this anymore. God, help!”

The phone rings again. A stoic voice informs her, “We transferred your partner to the main hospital.” “What? Who is this?” I’m confused and scared.

The voice explained that she was from the hospital administration and was calling to let her know he was stable but would stay for a couple more days.

He was released in the nick of time for the closing of their new place.

Emotional Rollercoaster

She tells me that living with a smoker is one hell of a rollercoaster ride. Being chained to oxygen, enslaved to doctors’ appointments, and a drug store as a second home is where much of her partner’s leisure time is spent. She is sad to witness the decline of a once vibrant person.

The constant worry, the financial strain, the erosion of trust and peace of mind is overwhelming.

She’s not sure where life will take her now. She will either accept that he will never change and stay or leave and find peace because she chose a wellness path while her partner exited.

By sharing her story, I hope to shed some light on the insidious ways tobacco addiction can destroy a relationship and perhaps lend a glimmer of light to those going through the same ordeal.

Dying for a Smoke

Tobacco smoking is one of the world’s most significant health problems. Millions of people live in poor health because of it. Researchers estimate that every year, around 8 million people die an early death due to smoking.

Secondhand smoke causes over 7,000 lung cancer deaths and over 33,000 heart disease deaths each year in the United States.

Tobacco kills more than half of its users who choose this habit. I submit it’s a choice. Frankly, I’m a little worn out from the cliche, ‘addiction is a disease.’ I conclude smoking is a lifestyle choice developed from habit.

How the Brain Works in Addiction and the Path to Reduced Cravings

Increased Dopamine Receptors and Addiction

Nicotine causes a quick release of dopamine, which creates pleasure and reinforces smoking. Over time, the brain adapts, leading to increased tolerance and dependence on nicotine.

Receptors and Cravings

Repeated nicotine use increases nicotinic receptors in the brain. Receptors are like tiny suction cups on the surface of brain cells that draw in nicotine like a vacuum cleaner. More receptors mean the brain becomes more sensitive to nicotine, causing cravings. When nicotine levels drop, withdrawal symptoms like irritability and anxiety occur.

In other words, the more you smoke, the more these little suction cups grow in number. But if you quit, with time, the little suction cups will decrease, and you will not experience the cravings as you would with on-and-off smoking or continuation of smoking.

Habit Formation

Addiction begins as a voluntary behavior. The habit loop involves a cue (trigger), routine (behavior), and reward (pleasure), making it hard to break. Understanding and disrupting this loop can help in quitting.

Cravings Over Time

• First few days to weeks: Intense withdrawal symptoms and cravings. Physical symptoms like irritability and anxiety are common.
• First month: Physical withdrawal symptoms decrease. Cravings lessen in intensity and frequency as the brain adjusts.
• Three months: Nicotine receptors start normalizing. Cravings are less frequent and intense.
• Six months to 1 year: Cravings become occasional and more manageable. Psychological triggers may still cause cravings but are typically less intense.
• One year and beyond: Most former smokers experience rare cravings, often triggered by specific situations or stressors. Long-term cravings are more psychological than physical.

Developing a Powerful Mindset

There’s a lot of talk these days about the benefits of mindfulness practice, but without a strong mindset, all the mindfulness practices in the world will not fully help.

• Developing a mindset is critical. The ultimate goal is to quit smoking, not cut down—stop. Smoking cessation can bring immediate health benefits, such as better breathing and improved energy levels, and put a halt to new nicotine receptor growth. Less cravings!
• Consideration of loved ones. Do you want to be there for them when they need you? This is as important as the mindset. A choice must be made—be honest with yourself.
• Cutting down is not the goal.
• Sneaking around and hiding the habit is not the goal.
• Thinking beyond the nose. Mindful practices are imperative, BUT there comes a time when futuristic contemplation is required. If you’re not looking forward to your health, your finances, and others’ wellbeing, then in the moment, you will stay, and smoking cessation will be more challenging. Mindfulness coupled with the future must be a mix of thoughts and plans.

Think of it this way—looking beyond the nose:

• If you want a new car, you go to a dealership and look at cars—that’s mindfulness—that’s the ‘now’ (nose length).
• If you want enough money to buy that car, you make plans for it—you save for a down payment and check out various insurances. In a few months, you will have the money for the down payment, the best insurance that fits your needs, and the ability to buy that car—that’s the future (beyond the nose).

As I write, I think about the old days when I used to smoke. I started smoking when I was 12 and quit around age 20. I quit for a decade or so. But then, one day, I picked it up again and became a weekend smoker.

I eventually quit because it was making me sick and tired. I began researching health, wellness, spirituality, and societal beliefs for a more purposeful life.

So, I know the impact of cravings on the brain, but I didn’t understand the ‘why’ or the ‘how.’ I had to make up my mind. I developed a mindset and never had to worry about the price of a pack of cigarettes again or having to stand outdoors in zero-degree weather to sneak a ciggy!

Understanding how the brain works and knowing that cravings decrease over time will empower people to quit, improve their health, stop planting the seeds for nicotine receptor growth, and stop allowing our noses to get in the way.

I could write a list of activities and ways to practice mindfulness to reduce stress when the temptation to light up strikes. But there are myriad websites where you can find this information.

Mindfulness is not enough. What is your ‘why”? Why do you want to quit? What is your goal? Who will you be helping other than yourself?

I am reading an article on Medium.com while I’m writing this article—serendipity? In the article, there’s a quote by a holocaust survivor that is so striking I must include it. I did some research and found that Viktor Frankl did indeed talk about smoking in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

He observed that some prisoners, facing extreme suffering and hopelessness, would choose to smoke their cigarettes rather than exchange them for food. This act symbolized a loss of will to survive—a sign that they had given up. Frankl emphasized the importance of finding meaning and purpose even in such dire circumstances, as it could impact one’s resilience and survival.

The quote goes like this:

When we saw a comrade smoking his own cigarettes instead of exchanging them for food, we already knew that he had given up trusting his strength to go on and that, once the will to live was lost, he rarely recovered. — Viktor Frankl.

I know there’s a glaring contrast in context, but the words are intense.

Mindset Strategies

• Visualize your future self: Imagine your life as a nonsmoker. What would that look like for you? Would you have more energy and more freedom? Imagine cravings vanish.
• Positive self-talk: Repeat over and over to yourself every day, “I’m in control of my choices” and “I’m healthier and stronger without this habit. I don’t need cigarettes.
• See yourself as a nonsmoker: Shift your identity from “someone trying to quit” to “a person who doesn’t smoke.” You are no longer that person.
• Get out of your rut: Change your routine. If you smoked a cigarette after a meal, instead go outdoors, take a quick walk to let that moment pass, take a ride, go shopping, and resurrect that image of yourself as a nonsmoker. Remember, you’re in control!
• Hang out with people who support your efforts and goals to become habit-free.
• Stay informed: Keep up to date with new research for quitting smoking.

Remember, a house stands on a bedrock foundation, and a powerful mindset requires that same unwavering base.

For additional insights into how different addictions affect the body and mind, explore the article on the effects of sugar addiction.

Disclaimer: The information on this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult your qualified health professional before changing your health or wellness routine. Do not disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you have read on this blog.